The Four Head

So what, I am not even doing my own pics. I know that says stock photo. So what. Quit judging me.

When I was growing up my dad was bald. Actually, since I was born my dad has been bald. It wasn't just while I was growing up. He didn't go from Hulk Hogan to Fabio just because I hit my twenties. So anyways, dad is bald. He would always make a joke about how his 4head had become a 12 head (4 fingers between your hairline and eyebrows is normal, for a bald man it's 12 fingers. You are trying it right now aren't you? It works huh?)

I am still holding steady at a 4head. How have I managed this despite my balding genes? Well son, here is the secret. I keep getting fatter. The fatter I am the fatter my fingers are which when held against my forehead makes me feel like I am not losing my hair. So if I ever end up being fat as hell holding my fat paws against my forehead yelling that I am not going bald you will know why. It won't be pretty. Denial never is.

Approximately the Same

The man you picture yourself as a father might not be the man you become. As a kid I always pictured by the time I was 30 and a father, I would be... well... fatherly. I thought I would be a pretty serious dude with a little furl to my eyebrow that let everyone I knew things. I would take things seriously and I would be stern and upright. In short I thought I would grow out of being me.

I am about the same person I have always been. This has been a suprising twist to life. When I graduated college I thought I would grow up. When I married your mom I knew things would change. Once my first born was born I would definately be a new man.... I guess it turns out that is kind of BS. Don't take me wrong, I am not the guy I was in college or even the young man trying to figure out how to be a professional, but I thought I would be more stately by now.

The truth is you are who you are. Maybe you don't own a beer bong any more and maybe you trade late night pizza for an over priced steak but in reality the core of your personality never changes. I still think that staying up late is fun, I will probably always like to take a joke just a little too far, and I will always find being in a crowd far better than being alone. For the record I hate being alone. There is no one to tell jokes to.

So embrace your quirks and accept that you are who you are, and who you will be. Try to be a better person everyday, but don't be surprised when a good fart joke still makes you laugh.

Because of her

Your mom's birthday is August 13.

You need to remember that date forever. Not only is that the anniversary of the date that your mom came into this world, but it is also the date that we celebrate her.

Because of her:

Your Grandpa Curt is a softy. Grandpa Curt had his little girl on that date. It made him a better man to have a delicate little girl he had to protect. I will never forget the way he looked at her as he got ready to walk down the aisle to give her to me. The tender love of a father has shaped her to be the woman she is now, and will always be.

Your Grandpa Ray also got another daughter-in-law that day. I still don't know if she knows how much he loves her. It is harder for him to say, but the lithopanes and sauteed eggs say more than she can know.

Your uncles still protect her. Jordan and Taylor still watch what I do with a brother's eye even though I am her husband. I can still see them cringe when I make an off color joke. I also laugh because every time I am out of town they call to see how she is, or stop to see her. Her brother-in-law Gabe would also stop the world to make sure she is OK, and make sure she had anything she needed.

Your Grandmas adore her. Your Grandma Kelly is your mom's best friend. There is no limit to what she would do for her daughter. Her true best friend, her mom, her guide, and a hell of a woman. Your Grandma Mary sees her as nothing short of her own daughter. She loves her as her own daughter and would stop the world to make sure "Her Ashley" is ok.

You have a Mom. Your mom would give up everything and everything to make sure that you had anything you need. She loves you beyond all words. The way she looks at you makes my heart melt. She is the "MegaMom". She's the best. The way that you look at her leaves no questions about how much you love her and adore her.

I am a husband. I can't put it into words. When I look at your mom I just have to smile. For every annoyance I put forth, she finds a way to love me. For every good part of me she makes me better. She is the greatest woman in the world. She is caring, funny, loving, thoughtful to a fault, ambititous, and amazing. The English language doesn't have the words for the woman I married. I thank God for the woman He blessed me with. For every good part of me, it is better because of her. I love her more than words can say and I am a far better man for the 7 years we have had together.

Your mom is the reason this family works. Your mom is the reason I want to improve myself as a man. Your mom loves you so much that you will never be able to comprehend.

So here's to your mom, my wife, and all the other titles that she holds. The world is a better place because of Ashley Anne Jorgensen.

I love you babe.

Nanny Needed

Your mom was sick this week. Not just "has a cold" type sick, but lying in bed going to the ER and then to the clinic type sick. It was awful. I have found that I am a good dad, but I am a supporting parent type good dad.

We went to Chicago and you saw your first Cubs game and a bunch of other cool Chicago type stuff. It was great. Then your mom got sick when we came home.... Shit went off the rails at that point. I found the following to be true.

1. Your mom takes care of you.

I never knew how much your mom did until she was laid up. I stepped up and did all the feedings, baths, and dressings. This means that you were not as well fed, not as clean, and wore Cubs outfits that didn't really fit with shorts that didn't really match.

2. Your mom cleans the house.

The house was "guy clean" meaning that it was visibly pretty clean but only until you looked close. I won't lie. My 100% clean is 40% mom clean. It was uncomfortable around the house.

3. Your mom never stops.

I got a glimpse of how much your mom does on an a average day. This might have been a blessing in disguise. Upon realizing how much she does in a day I considered hiring a nanny after 6 hours of being in charge.

4. Your mom loves you.

She was lying in bed, almost dead to the world and still telling me what you needed. She couldn't stand without getting dizzy, couldn't hold down food, and couldn't do anything she wanted. You know what she did do? She grilled me about what you had eaten, when your naps were, and why did I have you dressed that way.

So in summary, your dad loves you. I do the best I can whenever I can. I like to think that I am a good dad. I found out quick though that I am a "eating your feet, throwing you in the air, and cuddling while you sleep" kinda guy. Thank God that your mom got to feeling better. You will be a better person because of it.

Thank God every day for two parents that love you, and one parent that holds everything together. Thank God for your mama. I do Each and Every Day!

Who You Have Become

It's pretty crazy looking at you and who you have become. In the past ten months you have gone from being this little blob of a person to a little person. It seems like just yesterday we were so excited that you could sit on your own. Now you tear around between your mom's magazines and your dad's DVR box at blazing speeds. I am so proud over every little step. You now say "mama dada mama dada" like it's your job. (You have no other job by the way.)

Sometimes you say "Dada" when I walk in the room. Sometimes you say it while looking at a plant. I don't care either way. I assume you are just telling the plant who the coolest guy you know is. That departure from reality is reassuring in a way. I love you no matter what the hell you are trying to say. In my mind you love me, and that is all I really need. I look at older kids and think of what we have to come, and I relish who you are now, and the crazy little guy you are on the crux of being and I laugh.

Oh the things that are to come. I love you Cruzer. I can't wait to see how this all comes together.

Raising a Kid is Easy

Sicks kids are awful. No, that pic is not of Cruz when he's sick... it's his Uncle Gabe. I don't know how many times that I saw a kid out in public with a snot crusted nose, an eye that had schmutz on it, and looking really run down and though "what in the hell is wrong with this kids parents? Wipe the damn kids nose! Clean up his eye! What's wrong with you?" I also remember cussing parents out because their kid cried while I was eating at a resutraunt. I couldn't believe how inconsiderate it was to have thier kid out while I was trying to enjoy a meal.

I now know a few things. Kids get sick. Kids have nasty noses. Kids cry despite your best efforts. While we were out for a family meal the other night with Ash's family I found myself standing and bouncing with a little Cruz dude trying to keep the big cries from coming. It turns out that this whole parenting thing is easier when you don't have any.

Sick kids also can't breathe well. The Dr. told us to elevate his head by propping his matress up with pillows. Then you have to put rolled up pillows along side him so he doesn't roll down. Well Cruzer doesn't lay still for anything, so every morning he was laying upside down hacking his little heart out. Man sick kids are awful. You can't do anything for them. It's like talking to a democrat, you know the only real answer is to let them figure out no one can do it for them, but you just want to help. You also know they might have a wet diaper.

So I apologize to every parent of the kid with the crusty nose. My bad, I get it now. I also apolgize to Cruz because I tend to drop food on him while I am trying to eat/bounce/pace.

Blow Outs

There are two types of baby poops. Normal baby poops, and then "Oh my god I think Cruz swallowed an air compressor tied to a rotten animal carcus compost bin" poops. The last couple nights have been the former. And it's gross.

We are talking poo from the top of the back to the toes. Like toe jam replaced with toe shat. It's awful. In fact so awful that the last two days we had to go surgical and cut off the onesie and get a bath ready. I used 17 wipes just getting the poo off enough to put Cruz in the in the bath so he didn't dirty the water.

But life is like that some times. Sometimes an extra bath and a cut up onesie aren't the biggest problem. The biggest problem is that you haven't cut your nails recently.... Now where did I pur my string cheese?

Don't Punch Things

Don't be that guy. Everyone knows some guy that got mad, probably while drinking, and punched a hole in the wall. No one likes that guy. Not your dad, your girlfriend, or your roomates who just saw their deposit disappear. Your chances of breaking your hand are much higher than your chances of impressing anyone. I have always wanted to punch a hole in the wall to see how hard it is, but never have just because of this fact.

As anyone who has hung drywall can attest, I am very bad at knowing where studs are going to be. I put about 5 screws into the drywall before I find a stud most times. Why is this relevant? Because I am quite certain my stud finding abilities would be much higher when trying to avoid them.

Most nurses don't get all dolled up for their shift unless they are on Grey's Anatomy or some other god awful show that your mother watches. I am quite certain however that the day you go to the emergency room with a shattered hand from punching a wall you will find a whole full of hotties. They will mock you. They will make your pride hurt far more than your hand.

So don't punch walls tough guy. I hate patching dry wall and having a cast sucks. So really, just count to ten, or go for a jog or something.

Gourmet Food

There are few things that give me joy in this world like good food. The pic above is a beautiful little pig fetish piece called the porkgasm. It's sausage wrapped around bacon, which is wrapped in bacon, and smoke. So in summary, from inside out the ingredients are:

Cooked bacon

Cheese

BBQ Sauce

Sausage

Bacon
BBQ sauce

Yeah, it's awesome.

Not every good food has to be that complex. Here are some good foods you need to know about. Dad cares about you this much that he's teaching you the important stuff free of charge.

Pretzels and Salsa- If you hold pretzels right you can use them as a scoop for salsa. It requires a certain skill, but every great step forward in human history came through great work. It's worth it. It's spicy, salty, and awesome.

Pretzels and Peanut Butter- Seriously, it's awesome.

Macaroni and cheese and pulled pork- Every time I make pulled pork I like to make at least 4 pounds, and that can last a long time. So I like to make a little mac and cheese and add some pulled pork in. Mac and cheese is good on it's own. Add pulled pork and it's amazing.

Homemade peanut butter- Chew dry roast peanuts, then add olive oil. Swirl in your mouth. Tastes just like peanut butter doesn't it?

I don't know if that is true, but it sounds good.

Toasted PB and J- If you have a sandwich press it is best. Butter the bread and then add peanut butter and grape jelly. Now toast that mother sandwich. That is some good eating. The jelly oozes out the side and the whole thing tastes like smiles.

Candied Bacon- This is proof that God love us. Take bacon and cover it with brown sugar and bake it in the oven (at which point your bacon is bakin') . Make sure you get it off the pan right away so it doesn't stick. Then wrap it in wax paper and throw it in the fridge so it can set up. It's dog treats for humans and will change your whole perspective on life.

So this is just a little teaser on life beyond bottles. It's a brave world.

Back By Popular Demand

I can't tell you how many times here lately I have had pleas to bring back the blog. People just hanging on waiting to see what else I have to say. Just the other day for example, my buddy Fid said, "is your blog still going?" I can't deny that kind of public outcry. I am a man of the people for God's sake.

So it is with great excitement and fanfare that I announce that lessonsformykid is back in full force. I have a kid to teach after all. So what the hell have I been doing the last 3 months that was so important that I killed the blog? Well, I had a ton of diapers, middle of the night wake up calls, and that permanent haze that a new dad gets.

So here we go, it's a reset. A whole new set of letters and lessons for my son. Enjoy... or not.