Just a few short days down and I am already learning so much about being a parent. Sure there's the stuff about selflessness, caring for others, and so on. I will leave them for someone else because I have some important findings I need to report on. I have a feeling that there will be many more lessons along the way, so let's call this our first reoccurring feature.
Breast Milk- Breast milk is for babies what red wine is for adults. Just a couple servings and all you want is to be wrapped up so tight you can't move, and be sang too in hushed tones while trapped in a room with walls just tall enough that you can't escape. Isn't that why you drink red wine?
It's crazy how breast milk can calm a screaming baby beast in seconds, and leave a zombie in it's place. I am thinking that we should get a group of new mothers together and ship them to Washington DC while we have the Middle East peace talks going. Serve a couple of glasses with supper and the Isralis and Pakastanis will be more than happy to agree to get along. It's crazy stuff from what I have seen. Baby Milk Drunk is a sight to behold.
Baby Socks- Baby socks exist for one reason, and that is because mothers think they are cute. They stay on a baby's foot for approximately five seconds per wearing and after one quick trip to the mall we are officially down one sock. One trip out of the house, and one sock down already. That's after I put that sock back on twice and the other sock was hanging half off by the time we got home. My wife says that they are to keep the childs feet warm but that is obviously a lie perpetuated by the baby sock manufacturers. They can't keep feet warm while they are never on the child's feet.
Swamp People on Demand- I did know that I could get HBO shows OnDemand. I have always enjoyed this thoroughly. I found out at 2 AM the other night that I could also get shows from History Channel, Discovery, and select NBC shows as well. So there Cruz and I sat at 2 AM as we drifted in and out of conciousness watching Swamp People. It just felt so right.
Here's a pic of my kid for no reason other than he is so damn cute.
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