Things are Disappearing

Stuff from my childhood is disappearing all the time. I want you to know about a few things that I don't think you will hear about in history class.

Church Lady Voice- When I was growing up we always went to small churches. So did your mom. In small churches across Iowa and perhaps the world there are old women with what I call "Church Lady Voice." There is always one old woman, and usually a handful, who feel it necessary to really stretch the vocal cords and get up to the high notes with the warbliest sounding shreak possible. They drown out the rest of the church and they love it. Your mom and I go to a contemporary church with a band and songs that are more pop than crazy church lady hymn. Some people hate it, I love it. There is nothing that I love more though than someone with Church Lady Voice belting it out and realizing that with this new type of worship that they just don't fit in. RIP Church Lady Voice. The only sad thing is that there used to be an old guy in every church singing 3 octaves lower than everyone else to counteract her, and now he's gone too. I miss that guy, I wanted to be that guy. I still try to be some times, and I sound stupid... I just realized I am a Church Guy Voice wannabe. Sad.

Newspapers- Newspapers are dying. Once upon a time they filled a vital role in getting the information out to the people. They were the watchdogs of corruption, the breakers of news, and the must have accessory for every poop. Nowadays all you need is a phone with internet access and everyone in the office doesn't need to know that you are heading off for a poo. Also, you never have to fold up an internet feed.

Land Line Phone- Can you believe that way back in the day if you wanted to make a call you had to stand near a box with a spiral cord? I am pretty sure that the damn cord always being tangled up was a big reason for it's down fall. Chances are that by the time you are my age the only place you will see a phone with a cord is a government office or a museum. Back in those days the only thing you could use it for was talking. No camera, no internet, no texting, and no teleporting. I am assuming you will be able to teleport with your phone. It seem logical with the tele prefix.

Fax Machines- It was email before email was cool. It also had creepier paper, louder noises, and more smudgey lines than you can imagine. I can't believe this was once at good as it got. God Bless America and her technological progress.

Pluto as a Planet- When I was growing up, Pluto was a planet. Later in life, a bunch of scientists decided that it was actually just a moon. Let me tell you one thing son. Pluto is a planet. If some fancy shmancy scientist told me that my car was a giraffe I wouldn't believe them either. So in this case Mr. Scientist, you can stick it in Uranis. (easy joke, sorry)