Drywall Sucks

Is this a picture of Daddy drywalling? Hell no son. If it were, there would be no mask, a better hat and I sure as hell would have more bubbles in the tape. Drywall is one of the unfortunate side effects of buying a home. What seems like a simple little project is actually a vortex of mind numbing hell. Is it dusty? Yes. Is it dirty? Yes. Does it require patience and an eye for detail? You bet your smooth skinned little butt it does.

There is something terribly irritating about doing drywall. The framing up of walls isn't bad, and the hanging of the drywall isn't too terrible itself either. That is why your Grandpa Ray sticks around for that part. Then he abandons you. (Thanks for the help Dad, I really did appreciate it.)

So here is your how to guide, because I whole heartily plan on leaving you to mud on your own as well.

Step 1. Sand any paint off of adjoining walls. This is a really fun part. You get all sorts of stuff in your eyes leading to spastic blinking and red eye. It will feel like you wore your contacts in a sandbox for a month. It's awful, and yes you will have contacts. You are genetically prone to it. No big deal right? Paint can't be that hard to sand, right? (Insert laughter here) Apparently paint is made up of diamond dust. It takes forever to sand, and ruins your sandpaper at mind numbing speeds. At it never gets flat. Never.

Step 2. Apply mud. What's that you say? You love mud? Not so fast grasshopper. This isn't the fun kind of mud that you can form into castles or fake turds. No, this is just grey stuff that is kinda like Play-Do but tastes worse and doesn't come in fun colors. In fact, if you are reading in a historical posting order you might remember it tastes kinda like wood glue. You will have drywall mud everywhere. It's awful. Oh, and every time you think it looks good, you will see one flaw which you will try to fix and thereby make it worse. EVERY DAMN TIME.

Step 3. Sand. You left lines everywhere didn't you? You left some craters right? Of course you did. Try to smooth them out. You will want to use a shop vac or there will be more white powder around than the British Parliment.

Step 4-Ohmygodwhyisn'titdoneyet. Yeah, it's that bad. Just do step 2 and 3 until it looks good. Over and Over until frustration grows so big you can't stand it anymore and give up.

So in conclusion, Drywall sucks. It's muddy, dusty, dirty, streaky, and awful. Enjoy, because I am leaving once the sheetrock is hung. Oh, and you still have to paint... SUCKER