To Trust, or Not

Sometimes in life you will have to place a blind trust in people. Always listen to your gut feeling first. If your gut tells you that the person you are dealing with might shoot you, don't associate. Maybe that will lead to you profiling people and companies, but it will also save you some grief later. When your gut fails, trust this list.

Trust Weber Grills- A great quality charcoal grill at a reasonable price. Gabe has the above model and it is spectacular. It even has a gas ignition system. Note that the cooking is done on charcoal, and the gas is just the lighter. This is a key point. Never use a gas grill. The terrorists win when we use gas.

Don't Trust Bald Barbers- Sure, they might have been good in the past, but I think a good barber should have hair. Take this from a guy that is doomed to be bald.

Trust Toads- Great bar, great food, great staff, and I am the reigning Chili Cook On Champion. They know a good thing.

Don't Trust Cheap Tools/ Trust DeWalt- Cheap tools are great until you use them. Then you find out why there are cheap. A quality tool will last a very long time. DeWalt makes a ton of quality tools. (Really DeWalt, I will accept sponsorships here.)

Trust Texas Roadhouse- Great steaks and great sides. They also let you throw peanut shells on the floor.

Don't trust CNN, Democrats, or French People- Ever

Don't Trust Infomercials- Seriously, if it was a good product they wouldn't need to advertise at that time of night.

Don't trust- Psyciatrists that talk to themselves.

Trust- TruGreen Lawn Service- They came in and declared jihad on my lawn. They have killed all weeds an built a wonderyard. Like I wonder when I am going to be able to trim it.

Tell Dad Your Secrets

You will be tempted to tell secrets to pretty girls, your mom, your friends and others. The best person to tell them to is me. The main reason is that if you have a secret you have to know the other person is trustworthy. If you can't trust your dad, who can you trust (no one). Sure, if you tell a girl a secret she will probably be more inclined to like you, but she will also be more likely to use it against you to make you carry heavy objects. I can carry way more than you so you need not fear that kind of manipulation.

People often refer to keeping things on the down low. If you trust your friends with that task they will keep things at eye level. Down low is their only option. I have the ability to keep things on the down low, medium, and the the up high. Your friends will not be able to offer that kind of versatility for years. When your mom needs help getting things from upper shelves, who does she turn to? Me. So I am the obvious choice for all your hard to keep secrets.

OK, your mom is good with secrets too, but you have to run them by me as well. I am like *Aerosmith "and I don't want to miss a thing."

*No more Aerosmith references