Restful Sleep

Pregnancy is really getting to your mom. She's uncomfortable, she can't relax, and she can't sleep... Unless of course she is in my hammock she bought me for Father's Day. I now understand the reason she didn't think that the IPod Stereo I bought her for her birthday was so genuine.

It has effected her sleeping though. Your feet digging into her ribs and constant moving around has changed her from a coma sleep to a light one. Therefore my nights of easy slumber have been FUBAR'd as well. The beautiful woman who slept through house fires is now a beautiful woman who kicks me when I snore and says "ROLL OVER! YOU'RE SNORING!" a few times a night. The whole house fire thing, true story.

One night after we had been out with some friends Mom went to bed and I stayed up. Through the office window, which is now your window, I saw flashing lights. I went out and saw firetrucks and Firemen. I went over to see if they needed my help.* They didn't so I went in to wake up your mom, I mean hell, our neighbor's house was on fire. She needed to know. So I went into our bedroom and shook her foot. "Ash, our neighbor's house is on fire." She said, "OK".

"Ashley, our nieghbor's house is on fire."

"Fine." She said. At this point I am laughing and shaking her. "Ash! Our neighbor's house is ON FIRE!"

"Fine Beau," and she rolled over. She didn't care, she was sleeping and I was not going to wake her. I ended up going to our other neighbor's, Samir, and after trying to help the other neighbor get a claim filed, and a few "Bosnian sips of Vodka" went home. By the way, they don't sip. They are great hosts though. I went home and slept on the couch because I smelled like house fire.

The next morning your mom came downstairs and said, "BEAU! Our neighbor's house burnt down last night!"

You did this. Your awoken the sleeping pregnant lady. I used to sleep next to a beautiful coma woman. Now I get elbowed for snoring. And to think... some day I will look back upon this time as when I got a good nights rest.


*Firemen do not need your help. You are in the way.*

To Trust, or Not

Sometimes in life you will have to place a blind trust in people. Always listen to your gut feeling first. If your gut tells you that the person you are dealing with might shoot you, don't associate. Maybe that will lead to you profiling people and companies, but it will also save you some grief later. When your gut fails, trust this list.

Trust Weber Grills- A great quality charcoal grill at a reasonable price. Gabe has the above model and it is spectacular. It even has a gas ignition system. Note that the cooking is done on charcoal, and the gas is just the lighter. This is a key point. Never use a gas grill. The terrorists win when we use gas.

Don't Trust Bald Barbers- Sure, they might have been good in the past, but I think a good barber should have hair. Take this from a guy that is doomed to be bald.

Trust Toads- Great bar, great food, great staff, and I am the reigning Chili Cook On Champion. They know a good thing.

Don't Trust Cheap Tools/ Trust DeWalt- Cheap tools are great until you use them. Then you find out why there are cheap. A quality tool will last a very long time. DeWalt makes a ton of quality tools. (Really DeWalt, I will accept sponsorships here.)

Trust Texas Roadhouse- Great steaks and great sides. They also let you throw peanut shells on the floor.

Don't trust CNN, Democrats, or French People- Ever

Don't Trust Infomercials- Seriously, if it was a good product they wouldn't need to advertise at that time of night.

Don't trust- Psyciatrists that talk to themselves.

Trust- TruGreen Lawn Service- They came in and declared jihad on my lawn. They have killed all weeds an built a wonderyard. Like I wonder when I am going to be able to trim it.