I Want You to Be....

I look at you as this little kid with his hair too long, his face too goofy, and his heart so soft and think of the man I want you to become. Yes, I know it's a little early, but I am your dad so I think this is my job. You are my first and only kid so far so I am kind of learning on the job.

I want you to be fun. Right now you are the most fun little dude I know. I love watching you play with your toys and figure out how things work. I watch you learn what sounds toys are supposed to make and crash trucks and cars. This makes me so happy even though I know that some day I am going to have to add you to my auto insurance policy at which time crashing cars and trucks will not be near as humerous.

I want you find a good woman. Your mom has made me a better man. So far you seem to have your eyes set on a little blonde named Harper at your day care. I dropped you off at the same time as Harper and her mom the other day and her mom told me that she starts saying "Cruz! Cruz!" as soon as they pull in the parking lot. (By the way, the fact that Harper's mom is known as "Harper's mom" and I am probably known as "Cruz's dad" at day care is kind of endearing.) The day care girls have also let us know that you two play all day together and even wake each other up from naps once one of you wake up. I think that is awesome, and congrats because she is a cute little girl. You have an eye for these things. I do encourage you to branch out over these next twenty or so years, but I like where this is going.

I want you to believe in something. I don't know what that is yet, but your life will be more fulfilling with a purpose. If it ends up being something like "Occupy Wall Street" I will kick your ass out of the family. Find a purpose worth believing in.

I want you to go for it, if you want to. I wanted to be a stand up comedian growing up. I ended up being an insurance agent. It's ok to go with a safer option like I did especially because I never really had the balls or desire to go for it. If you do, then you will go with my blessing and support whether it is MIT, Broadway, The Cubs, or Second City. Of course the financial support will differ on the selection. Just a hint... MIT will get more money than Mime School.

You are growing up so fast and it is a pleasure every day to see it in progress. I love ya kid, and I can't wait to see where you are going to go.

Get Rid of Your Inner Eyore

I sat here tonight trying to figure out how to get back into blogging. I sat thinking "Why is it, that at this point in my life, the happiest time in my life, I can't think of anything to say?" I had a little moment with God praying and I realized what it was. Even though my business is doing great, I love my wife, my kid is about the most awesome little snot factory known to man, I was focusing on what else there was. How do I grow my business faster? When can I find time for working out and other things I want to do? Bla bla bla....

I need to release my inner Eyore. I need to stop looking at the small things that I don't have going and the things that I want and focus on the good. This thought crossed my mind and I instantly went from being bummed to being ready to get after it again.

So remember when you are down to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Start focusing on the good things, and don't be surprised when everything is going your way and you start feeling down. That is normal. Occasionally you just need to ask God to remind you to stop focusing on the shortcomings and remember the good. It's time to get it. Go out there and do something awesome today, or go out there and remember that having the heat on in the winter is pretty awesome too.

The Four Head

So what, I am not even doing my own pics. I know that says stock photo. So what. Quit judging me.

When I was growing up my dad was bald. Actually, since I was born my dad has been bald. It wasn't just while I was growing up. He didn't go from Hulk Hogan to Fabio just because I hit my twenties. So anyways, dad is bald. He would always make a joke about how his 4head had become a 12 head (4 fingers between your hairline and eyebrows is normal, for a bald man it's 12 fingers. You are trying it right now aren't you? It works huh?)

I am still holding steady at a 4head. How have I managed this despite my balding genes? Well son, here is the secret. I keep getting fatter. The fatter I am the fatter my fingers are which when held against my forehead makes me feel like I am not losing my hair. So if I ever end up being fat as hell holding my fat paws against my forehead yelling that I am not going bald you will know why. It won't be pretty. Denial never is.

Approximately the Same

The man you picture yourself as a father might not be the man you become. As a kid I always pictured by the time I was 30 and a father, I would be... well... fatherly. I thought I would be a pretty serious dude with a little furl to my eyebrow that let everyone I knew things. I would take things seriously and I would be stern and upright. In short I thought I would grow out of being me.

I am about the same person I have always been. This has been a suprising twist to life. When I graduated college I thought I would grow up. When I married your mom I knew things would change. Once my first born was born I would definately be a new man.... I guess it turns out that is kind of BS. Don't take me wrong, I am not the guy I was in college or even the young man trying to figure out how to be a professional, but I thought I would be more stately by now.

The truth is you are who you are. Maybe you don't own a beer bong any more and maybe you trade late night pizza for an over priced steak but in reality the core of your personality never changes. I still think that staying up late is fun, I will probably always like to take a joke just a little too far, and I will always find being in a crowd far better than being alone. For the record I hate being alone. There is no one to tell jokes to.

So embrace your quirks and accept that you are who you are, and who you will be. Try to be a better person everyday, but don't be surprised when a good fart joke still makes you laugh.

Because of her

Your mom's birthday is August 13.

You need to remember that date forever. Not only is that the anniversary of the date that your mom came into this world, but it is also the date that we celebrate her.

Because of her:

Your Grandpa Curt is a softy. Grandpa Curt had his little girl on that date. It made him a better man to have a delicate little girl he had to protect. I will never forget the way he looked at her as he got ready to walk down the aisle to give her to me. The tender love of a father has shaped her to be the woman she is now, and will always be.

Your Grandpa Ray also got another daughter-in-law that day. I still don't know if she knows how much he loves her. It is harder for him to say, but the lithopanes and sauteed eggs say more than she can know.

Your uncles still protect her. Jordan and Taylor still watch what I do with a brother's eye even though I am her husband. I can still see them cringe when I make an off color joke. I also laugh because every time I am out of town they call to see how she is, or stop to see her. Her brother-in-law Gabe would also stop the world to make sure she is OK, and make sure she had anything she needed.

Your Grandmas adore her. Your Grandma Kelly is your mom's best friend. There is no limit to what she would do for her daughter. Her true best friend, her mom, her guide, and a hell of a woman. Your Grandma Mary sees her as nothing short of her own daughter. She loves her as her own daughter and would stop the world to make sure "Her Ashley" is ok.

You have a Mom. Your mom would give up everything and everything to make sure that you had anything you need. She loves you beyond all words. The way she looks at you makes my heart melt. She is the "MegaMom". She's the best. The way that you look at her leaves no questions about how much you love her and adore her.

I am a husband. I can't put it into words. When I look at your mom I just have to smile. For every annoyance I put forth, she finds a way to love me. For every good part of me she makes me better. She is the greatest woman in the world. She is caring, funny, loving, thoughtful to a fault, ambititous, and amazing. The English language doesn't have the words for the woman I married. I thank God for the woman He blessed me with. For every good part of me, it is better because of her. I love her more than words can say and I am a far better man for the 7 years we have had together.

Your mom is the reason this family works. Your mom is the reason I want to improve myself as a man. Your mom loves you so much that you will never be able to comprehend.

So here's to your mom, my wife, and all the other titles that she holds. The world is a better place because of Ashley Anne Jorgensen.

I love you babe.

Nanny Needed

Your mom was sick this week. Not just "has a cold" type sick, but lying in bed going to the ER and then to the clinic type sick. It was awful. I have found that I am a good dad, but I am a supporting parent type good dad.

We went to Chicago and you saw your first Cubs game and a bunch of other cool Chicago type stuff. It was great. Then your mom got sick when we came home.... Shit went off the rails at that point. I found the following to be true.

1. Your mom takes care of you.

I never knew how much your mom did until she was laid up. I stepped up and did all the feedings, baths, and dressings. This means that you were not as well fed, not as clean, and wore Cubs outfits that didn't really fit with shorts that didn't really match.

2. Your mom cleans the house.

The house was "guy clean" meaning that it was visibly pretty clean but only until you looked close. I won't lie. My 100% clean is 40% mom clean. It was uncomfortable around the house.

3. Your mom never stops.

I got a glimpse of how much your mom does on an a average day. This might have been a blessing in disguise. Upon realizing how much she does in a day I considered hiring a nanny after 6 hours of being in charge.

4. Your mom loves you.

She was lying in bed, almost dead to the world and still telling me what you needed. She couldn't stand without getting dizzy, couldn't hold down food, and couldn't do anything she wanted. You know what she did do? She grilled me about what you had eaten, when your naps were, and why did I have you dressed that way.

So in summary, your dad loves you. I do the best I can whenever I can. I like to think that I am a good dad. I found out quick though that I am a "eating your feet, throwing you in the air, and cuddling while you sleep" kinda guy. Thank God that your mom got to feeling better. You will be a better person because of it.

Thank God every day for two parents that love you, and one parent that holds everything together. Thank God for your mama. I do Each and Every Day!