Showing posts with label voices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label voices. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

You Probably Aren't Crazy



This might sound strange, but you know that little voice in your head that sounds like you, the one where you practice what to say, the one that won't shut up after someone says something funnier than what you said?

That my little man is your inner monologue. I spent the first... well... alot of my life thinking that I was crazy. I heard about people that heard voices in their head and assumed I was on a one way ticket to crazy town. So before you start wondering if the padded walls will be nice, and if you can hang posters on them without getting in trouble, just know that it's ok. In fact once you get old enough people will to tell you to think before you speak, and that is what they are talking about. At least I think so. Then again I just admitted that I have voices in my head.

I hope for you that your inner monologue has a cool voice. Sean Connery would be an option, maybe even Leonard Nimoy or even better Morgan Freeman. If it sounds like William Shatner you might be crazy. It, will also... take longer, to get thoughts... out.

Just wait until you start thinking about girls. Your mind will host thousands upon thousands of coversations that will never happen. Trust me, the ones that you think sound super smooth and the girl laughs and tells you how cool you sound are the ones that will make you cringe when you try to renact them. You will also practice telling your mom and I outlandish lies to get away with something there. They will make us cringe. Please, try them both. I am looking to you for great entertainment.

So in summary, until you have multiple voices that are constantly arguing and taking stock of near by weapons you should be fine.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

You have to join us



You will have to join us eventually.
I know that it will be scary to leave the utero-winnebego that you have been calling home. The big advantages will be that the voices you have have heard over the last nine months will have a face. Well, unless you are crazy and then you are just hearing voices, but I don't think that will be the case. You are also going to have more room to stretch out and a lot better lighting.

The bad news is that you will find out that the angel mom voice has mated with an over excited balding guy. Guess what, you will soon realize that the bald guy contributed half the DNA. Actually you will have years of bliss before you figure that out. Enjoy it. Crushing realism will come soon enough... especially if you are a boy. If you are a girl you will just learn about concealed weapon permits sooner. I promise to do the best I can, but I have always been an underachiever, just talk to my former teachers.

Just know that I love you, and I plan on teaching you lots of valuable stuff.... Everything you need to know will follow...